


Pain

by Seblainer



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Adult Content, Alternate Universe, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Points of View
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-27
Updated: 2007-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-05 15:22:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12797226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seblainer/pseuds/Seblainer
Summary: Season 3. After the mess with Ethan, Justin still has problems because of the bashing.





	Pain

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

  
Author's notes: Author's Note: Re-post. Sorry it's not the same as the original. My computer messed up, and I lost the original version. So I just decided to re-write it. If it sounds like the original at all, great. If not, sorry.  


* * *

Justin’s POV

 

I sit here staring at the bottle of pills that sits on the counter. It’s like they are haunting me. A little voice that is inside my head, is telling me I should take them.

 

This isn’t the first time that I have felt this way, though this is the first time that I actually want to act on my thoughts. My life is such a complete mess right now.

 

The tremors in my hand, and the pain in my hand, make it hard for me to do much right now. I tried painting, but I can only paint for an hour, before my hand starts to shake.

 

The same goes for drawing. I end up in so much pain that I have to force myself not to cry. I have become a shell of the former man I used to be, and I completely hate it.

 

I still have nightmares about the bashing. I can see Chris coming at me with the bat, and I wake up sweating and shaking. It ends up being so bad, that I have to leave the room, and go into the living room.

 

We both know that we are not ready to label what we have between us, as a real relationship, at least not yet. Besides, we don’t want the Liberty Diner gang ruining it.

 

We want a chance to be happy without worrying that people who are ‘supposed to be Brian’s friend’s’ ruining it. We want a chance to find out if what we have is real.

 

Brian and I have been going round and round about it since we got back together, and neither one of us is ready to give in. We both want things to be different this time around.

 

I take the bottle into my hand, and I turn the bottle upside down, pouring some pills into my hand. I set the bottle down a few moments later, and as I lift my hand to my mouth, about to take the pills, I hear his voice.

 

I freeze. “What the fuck are you doing, Justin?” Brian’s question merely rolls off my back, and before I can reply, he takes the pills from my hand, and tosses them into the sink.

 

Then he turns on the faucet and makes sure to wash the pills down the sink. Next Brian takes the pill bottle off the counter, and throws the rest of the pills down the sink, and then repeats his earlier actions.

 

After turning the faucet off, Brian turns to face me. He turns off the light, takes my hand, and leads me out of the bathroom and back to the bedroom once more.

 

We sit on the bed a few minutes later. I choose to sit a few feet away from Brian, trying to keep myself calm, even though that is the least thing I feel at the moment.

 

“Justin, what’s going on?” Brian’s question is spoken softly and I hear myself answer him. “I’m scared, and I…” I trail off, not knowing what to say, to describe what I’m feeling.

 

Brian pulls me close when I begin to cry, unable to help myself. As he hugs me, we sit on the bed together, and for now, there is only the two of us, and I’m grateful. 

 

There are no tricks, no rude family members trying to tell Brian who he is, no violinists trying to grab my attention anymore, and no jerks like Chris trying to kill me. 

 

After a long period of silence has passed, Brian speaks again. “I don’t want you to do that anymore, Justin. I couldn’t stand to lose you. You have no idea how hard it was, when that homophobic asshole Hobbs almost killed you.”

 

I slowly look up at Brian. “I just want the pain to end, Brian. I hate living my life like this. I’m afraid of everything. I’m afraid of letting anyone who isn’t you, touch me.”

 

I sigh softly, and then continue. “I’m afraid of being in crowds. I still have nightmares and panic attacks. My hand still gives me fits all the times, and sometimes I just wish that Chris had finished me off.”

 

Brian’s words surprise me. “First off, I’m here, and you don’t have to be afraid. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you again. Second off, you should know that if your friend’s or family wants to touch you, like hugging you, it’s only because they love you.”

 

Brian pauses, and then continues. “Third off, you don’t have to be around any crowds until you feel ready. Fourth off, as to the panic attacks and nightmares, did you have them when you were with the fiddler?”

 

I nod, and I look away. When I was with Ethan, he didn’t understand about the bashing, and even though he didn’t mean to, he made me feel like a freak for letting it happen. 

 

Brian never does that. He was there, and understands that I had absolutely no control over what happened and he respects me enough to let things go at that.

 

“Fifth off, we can work on your hand. We can do the exercises that you were taught in the hospital, and we can strengthen your hand as we do that. Last but not least, as to your comment about you wishing that Chris had finished you off, I disagree.”

 

I look at him. “Brian, try to understand. I just, I hate feeling like such a weak little faggot.” Brian stops me from speaking after I say that. He begins to speak.

 

“I’ve got news for you, Sunshine. You are anything but a weak little faggot. You are one of the bravest people I know. You showed those doctors, and everyone else, that you weren’t going to die, and I’m not about to let you change your mind now.”

 

I smile a little, as I listen to Brian’s words. I know that he loves me, and I know that he will do everything in his power, to help me get over the pain I’m feeling, and I love him for it.

 

The End.


End file.
